Fall In Love With Doing Hard Things – Is Motivation A Lie?
Do Hard Things
05.05.25
Nowadays it’s common to see people complaining about not having any motivation, being unable to start anything new, or not having any persistence to push through when things get difficult.
I can definitely relate, as I used to pack an extra 25 kg and wasted several hours of my life playing video games and eating pint after pint of ice cream.
But recently, I’ve been facing an interesting new problem: I never want to stop!
Before, I didn’t have any motivation and was constantly looking for comfort. Now, I learned how rewarding it is to constantly push yourself. It’s funny, but I’ve experienced a mind shift I used to think was completely absurd: I’ve learned to enjoy doing hard things.
I’ve learned to find pleasure in overcoming challenges and doing the things I don’t want to do. I’ve learned how deeply rewarding it is when you have the grit to push past your fears. Most importantly, I’ve learned the joys of mastering a craft that gives you meaning and purpose.
I’ve accomplished more in the past 2 years than I have accomplished in my whole life and it feels surreal. The best part is that I’m just getting started. As I mentioned, it wasn’t always like this and now that I finished a 3-year project – my book, I can take a step back and reflect on how I got here.
By the way, my book is trending in the 1st place on Amazon WTF? Get the book here!
Is Motivation A Lie?
The first thing I find important to explore is motivation. I see that people often hope that one day they will wake up feeling energized and completely ready to change, but this is nothing more than a childish desire. Why do I say childish? Because there’s the expectation that things will magically happen effortlessly without them lifting a finger.
I learned that this constant search for comfort is the biggest sign of a negative mother complex. In other words, you’re identified with what Carl Jung calls the Puer Aeternus or Puella Aeterna, aka the man-child or the woman-child.
People identified with this archetype are constantly avoiding responsibility and believe everything is harder for them. They’re constantly looking for the easy way out and never fully commit to anything. They love to find new excuses such as “I don’t feel the motivation to change”. Everything so that they don’t have to grow up and fully take responsibility for their lives.
But I’m not here to shame anyone, I want to explain how motivation truly works. First of all, you have to meet motivation halfway. Motivation loves movement and movement begets movement. Do you know when you really don’t want to work out but you force yourself to do it anyway and in the middle of the session, you feel this surge of energy and enjoyment? And now you don’t want to stop?
This is called the flow state. The biggest benefit of flow is that the activity itself is rewarding. In other words, you unlock intrinsic motivation and learn to do things of your own volition rather than any form of external pressure.
But for flow to occur, the activity has to present some form of challenge, that’s why comfort is the biggest enemy of flow and consequently, motivation. However, the more you push yourself a powerful switch occurs: You stop looking for passive forms of pleasure (like adult videos, drinking, or eating) and you start craving more active forms of pleasure.
Such as overcoming challenges, creative endeavors, pushing yourself physically, and mastering a craft. I know this sounds crazy, but when you experience flow during these activities, there’s nothing like it. Especially because you’ve earned it.
Passive forms of pleasure always come at a huge cost. You destroy your health, your mind deteriorates, your relationships suffer, and you’re set for a mediocre life. You’re in this constant inner turmoil and secretly ashamed of your actions.
But let me tell you that this shame is there for a good reason: It’s your soul telling you that you can do more. Your soul is trying to wake you the fuck up and steer you in the right direction. I find that life simply means more when you’re giving all you’ve got.
That’s why I believe you must give yourself no other choice but to go all in. If your life is comfortable, you have to create conditions that demand growth. You’ll only feel truly alive when you have skin in the game but this demands real action.
Here’s what I mean. I’ve told this story a few times but when I was depressed I decided to move from Brazil to Ireland. I put myself in a new environment that gave me no other choice but to learn a new language, make new friends, and find work asap.
When you’re identified with the Puer Aeternus, that’s exactly what you need: Take radical responsibility for your life, stop living in your head, and take practical actions in the real world.
Remember: Movement begets movement. Once you have momentum, it’s important to create a vision.
Creating A Vision
Another common problem is only taking action when there’s external pressure, be it from a partner, a boss, or a deadline. This is yet another sign of an unresolved mother and father complex because they’re being projected on these authority figures and you don’t move by yourself.
That’s why you have to learn that values drive action. In other words, you must attach all of your choices to a bigger picture. You have to deeply understand your WHY and what makes your life worth living. This will probably take some experimentation but once you figure out what makes you feel at your best, you must double down on that.
Once again, the Puer loves the realm of possibilities but the problem is that they never accomplish anything real. You have to learn how to say NO, make a choice, and understand that we can’t have everything we want in life. Some things are just entirely opposite from one another, also if you desire to master a craft, you only have one shot.
I’m very aware of my mortality, that’s also why I know I can’t rely on motivation to do things. Yes, experiencing flow brings immense levels of motivation, it’s better than drugs. But adults do what they have to do regardless of how they feel.
No, I’m not promoting hustle culture or being stoic no matter what. I always make time to understand my emotions and I have my hobbies – music. This is about being truthful to your vision. I’m not doing this to impress anyone or show off, being the absolute best I can be is a commitment I made to myself.
I’ll admit that sometimes I push past my limits and I get exhausted but I’d much rather learn to find a sustainable groove than feeling anxious and depressed because I’m wasting my life. These are my unfiltered thoughts on living more meaningfully.
Rafael Krüger – Live an Audacious Life
Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
Mentorship – Catalyze your personal transformation with 1 on 1 sessions. Master your psychology, relationships, and business.
Katabasis – The Shadow Integration Manual – My best-selling and accessible course will introduce you to all you need to know to disrupt the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck.
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