Why Your Shadow Keeps Sabotaging Your Success

10.07.25

Yesterday, I was discussing procrastination and a lack of follow-through with a client. He stated that he wanted to reach a high level in his career and make a ton of money. But as he said that there was no emotion behind his words, it was robotic, and not even a brief reminder of passion.

As we investigated why he was feeling stuck, we quickly stumbled upon a few ideals he was holding himself against. More specifically, ideals about what a true man is supposed to become. Ideals that were formed as a way to cope with his childhood and not feel powerless.

As I’ve explored in other articles, seeking perfectionism and the “perfect exterior” is often a way to compensate for feelings of shame and inferiority.

The problem is that this persona we seek to fulfill is rarely an expression of our souls. The mask is there to hide our pain and the most authentic parts of ourselves, as daring to be who we truly are instantly puts us in a vulnerable position.

But well, being out of control is everything our ego despises. Then, we edit our personalities as an attempt to control how other people will perceive us and become enslaved by public opinion, stereotypes, and what our family expects of us.

We give all of our autonomy and sense of worth into their hands. But something inside of us can’t bear these shackles, and our soul hits us with restlessness and dullness, we become a shell of a person.

Simply put, we’re disconnected from what’s truly important and what makes us feel alive. That’s why we feel stuck, our souls can’t continue on a path that suffocates them.

This apparent sabotage is a call from the depths of our spirit begging us to change the course.

For instance, you might think that you want a promotion, but if this means a lot more responsibility and time away from your family and hobbies, something inside you might sabotage your progress, as you’re not being loyal to your priorities.

You might also be sticking to a soul sucking job and constantly complain about how you don’t have time, when deep down you’re afraid of creating your own thing.

But I want to bring more nuance to this “shadowy sabotage”.

Overcoming The Shadow Sabotage

The root cause of procrastination and lack of motivation is usually a fear fueled by childish narratives. But we have to make a distinction as to when life is asking us to push through and when our soul is asking us to change course, because we deviated from our values.

Now, people who have trouble with discipline and complain about not feeling motivated are usually identified with the Puer and Puella Aeternus (aka the man/woman-child). Deep down, they know what they’re supposed to do, but they resist fully being responsible for their lives, as they’re always seeking comfort.

The Puer is the part of our psyche that loves to find new excuses to not face our challenges and commit to our life tasks. This part doesn’t want to get involved with anything and fabricates the illusion that nothing is important enough.

The problem is that when we don’t care about anything, our life is meaningless. The only way to find meaning is to deeply get involved with life and put ourselves in the service of something greater than our selfish grumblings.

Carl Jung says that most people are living lives that are too small, and this is their main source of suffering. When we don’t develop our gifts and talents and pursue our inspirations, something inside of us dies. When we don’t have this commitment with the Self living meaningfully is impossible.

This leads us to my next point, individuation is an act of creation that involves shaping our lives according to the truth of our souls and stepping away from expectations and ideals that deviate us from our authentic paths.

That said, bold goals have to be meaningful and touch your core. When you deeply desire something and you feel inspired by it, then the right habits and systems will accelerate your progress.

This inspiration is the positive polarity of the Puer Aeternus, and if we lose touch with this creative energy, life also feels dull. This dreamy aspect of the psyche often reveals what’s truly important and revitalizes our spirit.

But for it to happen, a certain openness to the irrational is important, as leading an excessively logical life kills this creative energy.

This reminds me of when I was around 8 years old. When we attended church, I was always fascinated by the music. I specifically remember feeling the lower frequencies vibrating through my whole body.

It was funny, at the same time that I was deeply captured by it, it also caused me fear as it completely made me feel out of control, and I experienced the divine.

I remember asking my mom what it was, and she didn’t know anything about musical instruments, lol. So I was just there feeling the music. I’d only learn what a bass was a lot later, but I know that this experience made me pursue music later in life.

We often understand what’s meaningful through Flow experiences, and then our logic justifies it. That’s why this connection with the unconscious is imperative. Moreover, Carl Jung explains how the feeling function is the capacity to have a clear scale of values.

But again, to uncover this, we must be affected by it, and once we understand what’s important, it’s time to battle, be prepared to die for it, and your life will be worth it.

• Read Next – Conquer The Puer and Puella Aeternus Series

Rafael Krüger – Live an Audacious Life

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