18.09.26

I used to be addicted to video games, severely overweight, aimless, and depressed.

15 years ago I decided to do something about it, and today I want to share the 4 steps I took to overcome my depression and find purpose.

This isn’t your typical scientific guide, this is what I discovered to work in practice for myself and a few principles I use with my clients, also getting great results.

Let’s get into it.

My Wake-Up Call

As a teenager, I was completely addicted to video games. I’d play first thing in the morning before going to school, then during school I’d plan my next moves, and then I’d spend the rest of the day playing RuneScape, Counter-Strike, and Call of Duty 4.

The whole time I’d be snacking, so no wonder I was severely overweight.

At the time, I didn’t know I was depressed. I just remember feeling numb, disconnected from reality, and living in my fantasy world. My friends started choosing their paths in life and forming relationships, while I felt completely aimless.

Then I had my first wake-up call at 18 yo.

My family and I took our first international trip to the US to visit my uncle. I remember loving being able to practice my English and seeing all of those new places from the movies. But I was also stuffing my face with everything you can imagine: burgers, donuts, ice cream, M&Ms.

By the time we came back, I was the heaviest I had ever been. My mother took me to buy new clothes, and I got my usual size. But when I went to try them on, I was horrified by what I saw in the mirror. The clothes didn’t fit, I was gasping for air, and my eyes became watery.

That moment, I realized that I was slowly killing myself and that I had to do something different.

That leads us to the first pillar.

1 – Change Through The Body

That week, I bought a cheap pair of dumbbells, a few weights, and a bench. I started watching everything I could about lifting weights and found the OGs of the fitness community: Elliot Hulse, Omar Isuf, and Scooby1961.

For the first time in my life, I set myself a bold goal and I achieved it. I started lifting weights six times per week and I managed to lose 55 lbs (25 kg). By the end of it, I wasn’t the same person anymore, and there was a fundamental change in my character.

I developed discipline, grit, and the confidence that I could set myself goals and achieve them. Over time, I learned to like being in my body. The daydreaming stopped, my emotions came back, and I was truly connected with reality.

I understood that engaging with the body involves a lot more than simply nervous system regulation, because the body is the symbolic vehicle to mature psychologically and experience meaningful change.

You can prove to yourself that you are in control when you manage your cravings, you toughen up when you push through discomfort, and you can find joy in movement and in being alive.

When you’re feeling depressed, you can always start by changing your habits and making your environment better. That’s why I’m active every single day, I track my calories, and I like seeking new challenges and experimenting with different modalities.

In the gym, I also had my first deep flow experiences, which takes us to the next pillar.

2 – Craftsmanship and The Flow State

When I had my first flow experiences, I didn’t know this had a name. I just knew I was feeling amazing, alive, and I was completely in the zone when lifting weights. It was as if time stopped for a few moments. Then I started experiencing this deep focus when I was learning the drums and became one with the music. I wanted more of it, so I kept pushing, and these good feelings only got better.

Eventually, I learned that experiencing flow floods your system with feel-good chemicals, and that you can basically “produce your own drugs” in endogenous form:

• Dopamine can be compared to cocaine and amphetamines. It gives intense energy, focus, excitement, and motivation, and it enhances pattern recognition in the brain.
• Norepinephrine can be compared to Adderall and other stimulants. It improves alertness and reaction speed, and it creates a heightened sense of awareness.
• Anandamide is called the bliss molecule, and it binds to the same receptors as THC. It reduces fear, produces calmness, and enhances creativity.
• Endorphins are natural opioids, much more potent than morphine. They create feelings of euphoria and the blissful quality of flow.
• Serotonin is compared to MDMA. This chemical is produced post-flow and gives you a sense of contentment and deep satisfaction.

I also learned that experiencing flow requires the right balance between challenge and skill. If the activity isn’t challenging enough, you get bored. If it’s too challenging, you snap. This is something that needs to be constantly adjusted.

That’s why, to truly live in the flow state, a sense of craftsmanship is required, and this is the next step I took: devoting myself to mastering a craft and developing my talents.

My craft became one of the pillars that orients my life. I find that it brings you confidence, direction, and a place in the world. Moreover, when you put your hard-earned skills in the service of the greater good, you can finally experience a sense of purpose.

That’s how the flow state and a devotion to my craft healed my addictions to food and video games, because something of much greater value replaced that need. Today, I’ve designed my life to maximize flow experiences, whether at work, during physical activity, when I’m playing my guitar, or when I’m with my wife.

This is what truly brings me joy.

3 – Mapping The Stories Controlling Your Life

Up to this point, I haven’t mentioned any deep psychological work, because I believe it’s important to start by creating a solid foundation before diving deep. In my experience, when you’re feeling depressed and all you do is read about it, watch videos, and spend all of your time online talking about it, things only get worse.

Engaging with my body, flow, and dedicating myself to a craft did the heavy lifting to strengthen my ego and prepare me to truly look at what was making me feel depressed. 15 years later, here’s the most valuable idea I’ve learned.

In Jungian psychology, we work with the idea of the shadow, which is a term for what’s unconscious and everything we are unaware of in ourselves. The shadow is mainly made of complexes, which are clusters of emotions, thoughts, and experiences. These complexes produce fixed patterns and stories that play on repeat in our minds.

That’s why complexes appear in our internal narratives, such as “I’m not good enough for this,” “I’m not as talented as that person,” “I’m incapable of having a relationship and I’ll always be alone,” “Things are always much harder for me,” “I’m the worst and everything is always my fault.”

These narratives directly influence our actions and every outcome in our lives. That’s why it’s crucial to spend time analyzing these stories and patterns, because once they become conscious, a separation occurs between who you truly are and the voice of the complex. That’s when you can challenge these narratives and focus on creating new patterns.

The truth is that a lot of our self-perception and the way we view the world isn’t connected to reality. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s the whole truth. Just because you’ve always done things in a certain way, it doesn’t mean you can’t try something new.

That’s why I spent a lot of time, energy, and focus organizing my ideas and finding my own voice in the midst of inherited stories and broken patterns. Most importantly, I actively strive to create new ones every single day.

4 – Art and Creativity

Finally, being fully immersed in art and exploring my creativity allowed me to develop a deeper connection with myself, learn a new language capable of touching my soul, and recover a sensibility I thought I had lost.

As I learn to appreciate beauty and allow myself to be fully affected by a good book, film, or song, I’m rehabilitating my feelings, which allows me to be fully present for myself and my relationships.

When I give myself permission to be creative without judgment, I get to fully be me and discover new things about myself that allow me to lead a more inspired and fulfilled life. That’s why exploring my creativity and being involved with art became such a huge part of my life, as well as an active shadow integration practice.

Oh, and I can’t forget my dog. Playing with my dog always brings me so much joy.

So maybe get a dog.

These are the 4 things I did to cure my depression, overcome my addiction to video games, and find purpose.

• Read this one next – Conquer The Puer Aeternus Series

Rafael Krüger – Live an Audacious Life

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Katabasis – The Shadow Integration Manual – Map your shadow like a pro analyst, so you can disrupt the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck.