How To TRULY Heal From Trauma

How To TRULY Heal From Trauma


Over the weekend, I did something I thought I’d never be able to comfortably do.

I went to one of my favorite cafes, but unfortunately, the food wasn’t as good as it usually is.

In the past, I’d just pretend that everything was ok and never mention anything. If it happened a second time, I’d never come back.

However, this time was different. After finishing eating most of the food and paying, I calmly mentioned that there was a problem with the food.

I said something like: “Everything was really good, but unfortunately, the bread was a bit stale. I’m only mentioning it because I really like coming here”.

I noticed my heart racing as I was doing it, but I knew it was the right thing to do because when you don’t communicate properly you never give the chance for the other person to change and this is the perfect way to build resentment. 

Well, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to truly heal from trauma for the past few weeks and this situation made me realize how far I’ve come. 

It was a great reminder that working on yourself really changes your beliefs and your natural reactions.

Avoiding conflict, my desire for perfection, and people-pleasing has shut my voice for many years. My boundaries were constantly being crossed and this was a major source of anxiety.

Well, those codependent days are finally gone.

Upon reflection, I realized that what works to heal trauma isn’t sexy, It’s your mundane and daily choices that will make a difference, you don’t have to do anything crazy.

I wish someone had told me that before I’d tried the most ridiculous things in hopes of finding a cure.

One of the main problems is that when you’re dealing with trauma and have a childish mentality, you want an instant solution. You don’t want to hear that it’ll take time and that basic actions and daily choices will work.

You want to participate in those woo-woo healing retreats. You want to find a “real shaman” and take ayahuasca.

You want to feel those overwhelming cathartic moments that will free you from generational trauma, only to find out that 2 days later you’re still the same person and dealing with the same shit.

“I thought I’d healed, why do I still feel the same!”

Then, you get addicted to those experiences thinking that you need more of them to finally heal.

Well, if you ever tried these things you know they don’t work. Sure, a few people can benefit from it if they start acting differently on a daily basis, however, I can confidently say that this is a minority. 

Healing Is A Construction

What few people understand is that healing is a construction and NOT a single moment in time.

For some reason, we as human beings have a very hard time grasping this notion and I see it every day with my clients (I’m also included).

There comes a point in the process when they’re finally experiencing themselves differently. Most of the anxiety and depressive feelings are gone and they’re feeling more confident and motivated to give life to their projects.

I always ask them what changed and this is kinda of a tricky question by now…

All of them tend to attribute these changes to a single moment. They say that something happened in their workplace, or that they finally had a conversation with their partners, or even that “One day they just woke up differently”.

By now, I’m already used to these replies and this is the moment I do the best I can to show them that there was a build-up leading to this moment and that all of those tiny actions that seemed insignificant finally paid off.

Why is this so important?

So they can realize that they created this change and that they have agency. It wasn’t a moment in time nor an external event, they’re in control and can perpetuate this new state.

You won’t find what you’re after on that new crazy Illuminati therapy, the real magic lies in the mundane choices you make on a daily basis.

That’s why the simplest way to build a new sense of identity is by backing it with actions.

You need concrete proof. 

Every time you experiment and feel yourself in this different way, you’re stepping out of trauma and solidifying this new identity.

At first, these actions seem invisible but don’t be fooled, because they have a compounding effect.

Stop looking for “The ultimate mental health hacks”, this is childish and not sustainable.

Focus on building a solid inner foundation that will produce true and lasting changes.

You have to take intelligent actions as they’re the building blocks to the new version of yourself.

You create momentum for your mind to shift every time you just decide to go to the gym and eat healthier, when you say no to a toxic family member, or when you work on your projects instead of doom-scrolling or watching adult videos.

You chose to change today and when you least expect, you’re doing it effortlessly because this is the new you.

Rafael Krüger – Live an Audacious Life

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